This brings me to the next topic: How to make a huge, giant, game world tick without destroying the computer running it. Thankfully with the help of the Evennia devs, the solution is almost so simple it hurts to think I didnt realize it on my own, but you live and you learn.
The method is what is called a 'global tick' or 'global runner' system, and within Evennia at least, it is very easy. Just take a look at the following code:
Controls when the update functions for mobs are called. Holds
a list of dbref's for subscribing objects (Mobs)
self.key = 'mob_runner'
self.interval = 30
self.persistent = True
self.desc = 'controls the subscribing mobs'
self.db.mobs = 
self.ndb.mobs = [ search.objects(dbref) for dbref in self.db.mobs ]
self.ndb.mobs = search.objects('mob_runner')
[mob.update() for mob in self.ndb.mobs if mob.db.should_update ]
self.db.mobs = [mob.dbref for mob in self.ndb.mobs]
So what is that doing? It's basically keeping a list full of subscribing object id's. On start it reads these into memory (say after a server restart), then when the script rolls around and repeats it does two things: update the memory stored list of mobs subscribing to it, and then running the update function on each subscriber, if it is set to update. This particular script runs every 30 seconds and is what controls a lot of random upkeep for the mobs in Avaloria. This approach can be used with multiple scenarios where EVERYTHING in the world needs to have something done to it. The resource usage is minimal and everything runs fantastically so far, even when jammed full of objects all needing updates.
Thanks to the guys at the Evennia project for setting me straight and not allowing me to run my server to an early grave :)